Category: Parenting

Positive parenting approaches for children with ADHD.

Positive parenting approaches for children with ADHD.

By Rebecca Tyler, Connections in Mind

Parenting a child with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) can be an extremely rewarding experience; their boundless energy, sense of humour, creativity and enthusiasm for life is unparalleled. However, it can also be extremely challenging and frustrating at times, both for you as a parent and for your child. By making a few adjustments to the parenting strategies you use to interact and react to your child, you can provide them with the tools they need to effectively manage their own behaviour, improve their social skills and increase the likelihood of success in education and throughout their adult life1.

One approach that has been successful in reducing the intensity of behavioural challenges in children with ADHD is using a positive parenting approach2. This approach aims to build self-esteem and improve behaviour using strategies such as giving detailed instructions, setting clear expectations and positive attention. However, understanding how ADHD affects your child and their executive functioning is a crucial first step in this approach that will enable you to identify their difficulties and recognise that your child really does have reduced control over their actions and their behaviour.

How does ADHD affect my child and their executive functioning?

Whilst the exact causes of ADHD are not yet fully understood, we do recognise a number of ways that ADHD affects the brain. ADHD has been linked to an underlying neurotransmitter deficiency, specifically a deficiency in norepinephrine3. As norepinephrine is a stress hormone that affects attention and also acts as a neurotransmitter that communicates with the brain, low levels of this neurotransmitter can result in inattention, poor focus and distractibility, common symptoms reported in children with ADHD4.

Additionally, children with ADHD often have impairments in several areas of executive functioning5. Residing in the prefrontal cortex of the brain, executive functions are higher-level mental processes that direct all behaviours, thoughts and emotions. Reduced levels of norepinephrine can impair the functioning of the prefrontal cortex which can present externally as symptoms of ADHD including impulsivity and locomotor hyperactivity6. This has a major impact on your child’s ability to perform tasks such as planning, organising, paying attention, remembering directions and in controlling their emotional reactions. Sound familiar?

The key point here is that your child may not be able to control their behaviour. Reacting in a negative and punitive way time after time will actually reduce the effectiveness of the punishment7. It can also confuse your child if you’ve accumulated a wide variety of different punitive measures (e.g. yelling, threatening, giving a time-out, taking away toys. etc). Although defiance is not a symptom of ADHD, it can occur as a result of ADHD symptoms.

Implementing positive parenting strategies into your family routine will have numerous benefits including increased confidence and knowledge as a parent, in addition to healthier relationships and more positive and consistent interactions with your family8.

What are the positive parenting strategies I should use to help my child?

Give effective instructions.

As children with ADHD struggle with executive functions such as attentional control and working memory they often have difficulty following and remembering instructions. When giving them instruction you need to make sure you have their full attention. Being physically close to your child, maintaining eye-contact and removing all immediate distractions can help you achieve this. You should also break down their instructions into small, direct steps and assign them one task at a time (e.g. “eat your breakfast”, “put your shoes on”, “get your bag”). This will make it easier for them to understand what you want them to do. 

Another useful strategy is repeating your instructions only once. The long term benefit of this is that your child will learn to listen to the instruction the first time as they know it will not be repeated again. If you do need to repeat the instruction then use a calm tone and try not to get impatient if they are having difficulty following you. By using these positive parenting strategies to deliver instruction, you promote self-motivation in your child and facilitate the development of their executive function skills by allowing them to engage in problem-solving, goal-directed behaviour and self-regulation (i.e. their ability to monitor their own performance and reflect on it)9

Give them positive attention.

On days where perhaps you’ve had a particularly stressful morning, it is not uncommon for parents to overlook their child’s positive behaviours. When you see your child behaving in a desirable way make sure you give them positive attention. Positive attention can be in the form of verbal praise, high-fives, hugs or other positive physical contact. Using positive attention will not only positively reinforce that behaviour, but will be more effective in changing other non-compliant behaviours than if you had used negative attention2. To facilitate a growth mindset in your child (i.e. the belief that they can improve their intelligence, ability and performance with effort and with the right strategies.), praise them for effort, progress, rising to challenges and for persevering.

Psychological research has shown that parental praise and displays of affection model good self-regulation for your child and will promote their core executive functions; working memory, inhibitory control and cognitive flexibility10. Strong executive function development in these areas will further support their ability to problem solve and make decisions, be organised and make plans to reach their goals. In turn, negative attention can have a negative impact on your child’s development10. As a parent, learning how to control negative outbursts and avert unrestrained conflict is essential. You also need to remember that praise is important for children with ADHD as they typically get so little of it, even when they have behaved well11.

Discipline using positive attention.  

So how does this approach work in challenging situations? There will be times when your child does need to be held responsible for their behaviour. When it comes to discipline, there are a number of strategies you can use to discipline effectively and reduce the frequency of that non-compliant behaviour. 

As children with ADHD are very routine-oriented, one way to reduce the frequency of non-compliant behaviour is to create a clear daily schedule that they can visualise. Setting expectations of what they need to do and when will create a warning system, making it easier for them to understand why they are being reprimanded if they are not compliant with instructions. Establishing a routine will support their executive function development including task initiation, sustained effort, goal-directed persistence, planning and prioritisation. These are essential life skills that are associated with academic success, happiness and wellbeing12.

Stay calm.

If your child does misbehave then one of the most important things you need to do is stay calm. Demonstrating self-calming techniques (e.g. deep breaths, leaving the room) can help them learn how they should manage and control their own emotions. If you lose your temper then your child will not only learn that behaviour but will only respond to you once you have reacted in that same emotional state. In fact, this type of reaction is unlikely to prevent the behaviour from reoccurring as you are inadvertently reinforcing that behaviour by giving it attention.

Only address the event once everyone is calm. It is quite common for children with ADHD to develop cycles of negative behaviour patterns that escalate in severity. This is in response to years of negative parent-child interactions in which both the parent and child attempt to control one another’s behaviour through negative reinforcement13. Instead, use positive attention to acknowledge and validate their feelings. Reflecting back on their emotional experience with them whilst reaffirming your expectations as a parent will serve as reassuring but also remind them of your boundaries. Consistency in these approaches will be key to seeing concrete changes in their behaviour and will lay the foundations for strong executive function development that will help them learn, develop and flourish.

How can Connections in Mind help?

At Connections in Mind, we are a team dedicated and caring ADHD and executive function coaching experts. Through our Coaching for Independent Learning programme, our coaches combine their expertise and knowledge acquired through experience and education with strategies based on the latest empirical research to create bespoke coaching programmes tailored to individual client needs. Whether your child struggles with organisation, time-management or emotional control, they can work one to one with one of our amazing coaches to address their executive function challenges and develop new strategies so that they can flourish personally and academically. You can read testimonials from our clients here.

As our Coaching for Independent Learning programme is most effective when combined with our online Connected Minds Parenting course, when you enrol your child on our coaching programme by the 15th of May 2020, you will get access to our online Connected Minds Parenting course online for £50, that’s two thirds off the original price! Watch our Connected Minds Parenting course video here.

To gain access to this offer, or help you understand the coaching process and to find a bespoke programme that works for you or your child, book a free consultation call with Sarah, one of our executive function coaching experts today.


1Raggi, V. L., & Chronis, A. M. (2006). Interventions to address the academic impairment of children and adolescents with ADHD. Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review, 9, 85-111.

2Hoath, F. E., & Sanders, M. R. (2002). A feasibility study of enhanced group triple P – Positive Parenting Program for parents of children with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. Behaviour Change, 19(4), 191-206.

3Kim, C-H., Waldman, I. D., Blakely, R. D., & Kim, K-S. (2008). Functional gene variation in the human norepinephrine transporter: Association with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. Annual New York Academy of Science,1129, 256-260.

4Rivas-Vezquez, R. A. (2003). Atomoxetine: A selective norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor for the treatment of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 36(6), 666-669.

5Biederman, J et al., (2004). Impact of executive function deficits and attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) on academic outcomes in children. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 72(5), 757-766.

6Arnsten, A. F. T. (2009). The emerging neurobiology of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder: The key role of the prefrontal association cortex. The Journal of Pediatrics. 154(5), 1-20.

References continued.

7Kiff, C. L., Lengua, L. J., & Zalewski, M. (2011). Nature and nurturing: Parenting in the context of child temperament. Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review, 14, 1-51.

8Whittaker, K. A., & Cornthwaite, S. (2000). Benefits for all: outcomes from a positive parenting evaluation study. Clinical Effectiveness in Nursing, 4(4), 189-197.

9Watson, S. MR., Gable, R. A., & Morin, L. L. (2016). The role of executive functions in classroom instruction of students with learning disabilities. International Journal of School and Cognitive Psychology, 6(167), 1-5.

10Bun Lam, C., Chung, K. K., & Li, X. (2018). Parental warmth and hostility and child executive function problems: A longitudinal study of Chinese families. Frontiers in Psychology, 9, 1063.

11Danforth, J. S. (2006). Parenting training for families of children with comorbid ADHD and ODD. International Journal of Behavioural Consultation and Therapy, 2(1), 45-64.

12Diamond, A. (2017). Want to optimize executive functions and academic outcomes. Minnesota Symposium on Child Psychology, 37, 205-232.

13Pfiffner, L. K., & Haack, L. M. (2014). Behaviour management for school-aged children with ADHD. Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Clinics of North America, 23(4), 731-746.

In the time of Covid-19.

In the time of Covid-19.

By Hannah Wellburn, Executive Function Coach, Connections in Mind

I found I have been slow to process what’s been happening. Each step of the way I have wanted to rail against it. Like many, I’ve found it hard to believe that this time of the Coronavirus and isolation is really happening. 

When we were told it was necessary to stay indoors I felt desperately unhappy. I’m the type of person that feels the need to get outdoors regularly to maintain a positive state of mind. This, on top of the shock that my kids were to have no school for the foreseeable future; including my 16-year-old having his GCSEs cancelled and the prospect of no school whatsoever for five and a half months, my year 6 daughter possibly missing the rest of what is an extremely important coming of age, end of primary school year. I feel she’s been robbed of experiencing the various rites of passage she’s looked forward to sharing with the classmates she’s grown up with. Her turn to be part of creating a talent show similar to those they’ve watched every year 6 perform as long as they can remember, the post-SATS fun trips out. She was even disappointed that she wouldn’t be sitting her SATS!

Trying to manage my feelings as well as those around me was a struggle for a while. Not everyone finds the same aspects of what we are going through challenging. Some feel most anxious about the illness itself, many face financial worries, some are feeling lonely and isolated stuck at home, others feel overwhelmed and overcrowded surrounded by a houseful of whom they are responsible for the daily physical, educational and mental well-being, I could go on…

When it comes to how the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic affects our executive functions, we know that in times of stress our executive functions can go completely off-line; our emotional control can go, well simply out of control. Our response inhibition, thinking before we act or speak, initiating tasks, sustaining our attention, being flexible in the face of so much rapid change all take a huge hit.

It’s taken me this couple of weeks to get myself into the right headspace, dealing with my own challenges and those of my family. It’s taken all sorts of practices to realign and manoeuvre my way to a positive state of mind. I’ve incorporated; meditation, positive affirmations, chi gong, pilates, walks outdoors, chats with friends, many humorous videos and drinking wine into my daily (well only some evenings for the wine, honest) routine. Feeling good is still a work in progress, I continue to have difficult moments.

My next goal, I think I’m ready for this now is to instil a little more routine, a little bit of planning although nothing rigid, flexibility is key here whilst we still don’t really know what’s going to happen next.

I wonder what other coaches have been doing and how you’re coping. Does anyone have any tips for making the best of this time as well as keeping well enough to support others?

About Hannah.

Hannah Wellburn is one of our Connections in Mind executive function coaches and transformational life coach. Hannah has over 20 years of experience coaching, mentoring and supporting adults and young people who experience challenges with executive functions. Hannah’s passion is working with mums and adolescents to beat the challenges life presents, enjoy life to the full whilst being the best they can be.

How to build motivation in your child.

How to build motivation in your child.

By Victoria Bagnall, Co Founder, Connections in Mind

Every parent wants their child to succeed, whether it’s with their school work, socialising or in developing general life skills. Naturally as parents we often hold high expectations for our children and lack of motivation can be a huge barrier to their success. Your child’s motivation to learn is encouraged by the experiences that you provide for them. In other words, you play a vital role in fostering motivation in your child.

Why is motivation important?

Motivation is essential for self-development and for maintaining well-being during periods of rapid change where we need to adapt quickly*. It interacts with our executive functioning and explains why we set goals, make plans, start tasks and strive for achievement. Research with children has also shown that motivation is one of the most important factors in determining school success**.

So, how can you build motivation in your child? Based on psychological research, there is now a set of science-based approaches that can be used to build motivation and support learning during development.

Let them decide.

Children are more motivated when they have self-determination to complete a task or activity that is personally meaningful. For example, start a conversation with them to set the goals for the day or decide how a task is going to be carried out. By letting them make meaningful choices and supporting them, this will not only keep them engaged and motivated for longer but they will also learn that they are capable of initiating their own learning.

Challenge them…just enough!

Like all of us, children are motivated to work towards achievable goals. Create levels of challenge according to their current capabilities and give them feedback on their performance. If a task is too easy or too hard they will lose motivation. Make it fun by turning it into a game. For example, you could switch roles and let your child step into the role of the educator and explain concepts as the teacher. This works very well for science subjects! You could also plot their progress on to a graph and challenge them to improve on yesterday’s progress. Remember, the more they relish the challenge, the more they will persist and not give up. If this brings them success, this will build their internal motivation which will lead to more success!

Praise the effort rather than the outcome

When we praise children for their effort this helps them learn that even if they fall short they can use it as an opportunity to reflect, improve and develop new approaches. Say your son or daughter performed well on a piece of school work, don’t just share your excitement. It is better to praise them for the process by asking them what they did to achieve it and how they did it. This will motivate them to work hard and they will be more likely to believe that they can achieve anything they put their mind to. This process will support the development of your child’s ability to reflect, an executive function skill that is essential for more complex and systematic thinking.

Foster a growth mindset

A growth mindset revolves around the belief that we can improve our intelligence, ability and performance with effort and with the right strategies. Children with a growth mindset have a willingness to confront challenges and view failures as an opportunity for growth.  As children can often avoid trying new things when they experience negative outcomes, it is important to have a discussion with your child that focuses on what they can do to improve next time. Encourage reflection by talking about a time that you fell short and what you did to improve. Ask them questions, discuss new strategies and emphasise the importance of practice. At Connections in Mind we particularly like the WWW (What Went Well) and EBI (Even Better If) approaches which are really positive but also support growth. By doing this you will be supporting the development of a growth mindset within your child. Not only will this increase their motivation and encourage them to take on new challenges independently, research has also shown that a growth mindset is strongly associated with greater happiness and achievement in life***. Fostering a growth mindset in your child will be one of the greatest contributions you can make towards building their motivation, and their success! Following decades of research Carol Dweck, a world-renowned psychologist, has a bestselling book that explains more on how to foster a growth mindset to achieve success professionally, academically, interpersonally and in general daily life. You can find the link to her book here. You can also download our free growth mindset poster here to add to your child’s workspace!

Does all of this sound interesting – these are the fundamental underpinnings of our Connected Minds Parenting Course which has recently moved online to our new online learning portal. This evidenced based approach to parenting, focuses on empathy and connection whilst building a shared language and set of tools to overcome executive function challenges at home. Hear from the course facilitator Imogen Moore Shelley in her informative video.

At Connections in Mind, our executive function coaches combine their own experience, expertise and strategies with the latest research to create bespoke coaching programmes tailored to individual client needs. Our coaches are available to help your children, and even yourself, overcome challenges with motivation and executive functioning. If your child or yourself have difficulties with starting tasks, prioritisation, time-management or even just staying focused for longer periods of time, a coach can help you develop new strategies so that you and/or your child can continue to succeed. 

Our Executive Function Adventures programme is a fun and engaging programme for children who are struggling with executive functions at home or with school work. They will work one to one with an executive function coach and will learn new strategies but in a fun, story-telling way! Watch our video here to find out more!  If you would like any further information about any of our coaching services then please book a free discovery call with Sarah, our Client Services Manager today.

*Psychological needs, motivation and well-being: A test of self-determination theory across multiple domains. (Milyavskaya & Koesnter, 2011).

** Gender differences in school success: What are the roles of students’ intelligence, personality and motivation? (Spinath, Eckert, Steinmayr, 2014).

*** The neuroscience of growth mindset and intrinsic motivation. (Ng, 2018).

Maintaining friendships is key to your child’s resilience.

Maintaining friendships is key to your child’s resilience.

By Victoria Bagnall, Co Founder, Connections in Mind

Most children will see their friends nearly every day of the week. However, with schools closed and access to outdoor play facilities and social spaces restricted, reduced contact with friends can be quite upsetting and stressful for some children. Maintaining these friendships will help your child develop resilience by learning how to manage periods of difficult change, both now and as a skill that will be carried into later life.

What do we mean by resilience?

When we talk about resilience we mean a persons’ ability to bounce back and recover from stress, challenges and difficult life events. Remember, resilience is not something that we either have or don’t; it is a skill that needs to be built and nurtured within your child.

Why is resilience important?

Research has shown that children who are more resilient are happier, less stressed and are better equipped to handle life’s curveballs*. They are also more likely to take healthy risks as they don’t fear falling short of expectations**. Building resilience will help your child learn how to manage their emotions when faced with adversity so that they can continue working towards their goals. In terms of executive functions resilience is a mixture of goal directed persistence and flexibility.

Why is maintaining friendships key to building resilience?

Like all of us, children need to spend quality time with the important people in their lives. Staying connected will give them the opportunities they need to talk to a friend about a concern or something that they may be finding difficult to adjust to. This will provide them with the emotional support necessary for developing coping strategies that can help them overcome the issue. Maintaining these friendships will help them build resilience by better equipping them to cope with stress and uncertainty and can help them recover from periods of difficult change quicker***. The more quality social support they can draw upon from friends, the more flexible and resilient they can be in stressful situations. Essentially, these friendships will provide the support system that your child needs during these times of social and educational adjustment.

As a parent, how can you help your child stay connected?

Make it routine

With the daily juggling of home-schooling and working from home, it can be easy for time to slip away. As a parent, it is important that you set enough time aside in your children’s schedule so that they can regularly connect with friends. Including it as part of their daily routine will make them feel safe, less stressed and create a calmer household.

Set up virtual playdates

There are plenty of apps and services available such as FaceTime, Skype or Zoom that can make it easy for your child to stay connected whilst remaining physically distant. You could organise a virtual playdate where they cook or watch a film together. You could even create a classroom-like environment by letting them video call their friends whilst they are doing their school work. They could also play some games across a video platform, games like Battleships or Hangman work brilliantly. Better yet, these types of online social interactions can actually support their executive function development. For example, it can help them practice turn-taking and inhibiting responses, and help them learn how to maintain focus in a distraction-rich environment.

Write a letter…and get creative!

It may be a bit retro but in today’s society, the opportunity for children to learn the mechanics of writing and sending letters is fairly limited. Particularly for younger children, this is the perfect opportunity to help them develop their handwriting skills. You could also get creative by sending photos, drawings and including small care packages for friends or relatives. Just imagine the excitement when they receive a letter back in the mail addressed to them!

Write a story

Use email to encourage your child to start writing. Get them to write the first chapter and then send to one of their friends to write the next chapter or section. Not only will this help your child develop planning and prioritisation, but will link the components of executive functions (working memory, cognitive flexibility) with the components of imagination, such as symbolic thought and imaginary companions. Plus, you will have a wonderful story memory to share when your children are reunited in person again. 

But my child hates doing anything I suggest. What can I do in this situation?

It is natural and normal for teenagers to reject the suggestions of their parents – it is part of what has made human societies so adaptable over the years as teenagers reject the status quo and opt to do something different. Working with a trained professional in these circumstances can be invaluable. They can offer a safe space to discuss how your child is feeling and work on a practical plan to boost EFs according to your child’s goals.

If a coach was helping a child with this particular issue they would find a good time to discuss how they were feeling about being in self-isolation and then set some goals around milestones they would like to achieve. Like: I would like to chat to my favourite Aunty once a week on Zoom. They would then brainstorm and put together a workable bespoke plan to do this: teach Aunty Kate to use Zoom, and then schedule a convenient time, and have a topic they can discuss so that the chat is more meaningful than just a chit chat. The coach can then check back in to tweak the plan over time.

If you would like to know more about executive function coaching and how it can help your children, you, or even yourself as a parent then book a free discovery call with our Client Services Manager today.

* Resilience in development: The importance of early childhood. (Masten & Gewirtz, 2006)

**Resilience giving children the skills to bounce back. (Hall, Pearson & Reaching, 2003)

***Best friends and better coping: Facilitating psychological resilience through boys’ and girls’ closest friendships. (Graber, Turner & Madill, 2016)

Create a Child Friendly Workspace in your Home.

Create a Child Friendly Workspace in your Home.

By Victoria Bagnall, Co Founder, Connections in Mind

With everything going on in the world at the moment we are all in a huge period of adjustment. Parents are working from home, children are off school and we are unsure about how much longer we will be able to move around our normal outside routines. So how can we harness what we know about executive functions and apply them to our home spaces and make homeschooling for our children that little bit easier? One of our suggested ways is to create a child friendly workspace in your home.

Setting up a workspace which is free from distractions, clutter and is comfortable for your child will help support motivation, task initiation and completion.


First, consider your child’s studying style. If they are easily distracted, a secluded, quiet spot is best, but if they are more comfortable working with other people around, choose a corner of the living room or kitchen. Make sure the area is free of clutter and that other family members respect “working time.”

While music may be okay at low levels, TVs should be turned off — very few people can resist becoming distracted by the TV. But no matter where your child does her homework, research* shows the benefits of a quiet space with natural lighting, relative quiet**, and close-at-hand supplies.

Two other essentials are a reasonably large work surface and comfortable seating. If you can afford an adjustable chair, that’s great, but you can also adjust your existing furniture by stacking pillows on the seat. If your child’s feet don’t rest on the floor, use a footrest, boxes, or more stacked books. A final tip is to use a rolled-up towel or small pillow between the back of the chair and the child’s lower back to provide lumbar support.

Finally, let your child take part in creating their study space so they will feel more comfortable and be less likely to think of home working as a chore. Your child may feel less intimidated if he has a favourite toy sitting beside him to “help” study spelling words, or if she has a “magic thinking hat” to wear when stumped by a math problem.


A few additional ergonomic guidelines should be followed when your child works at a computer. The monitor should be level with their head, and it should be directly in front of them, about 18 to 30 inches away. Make sure there’s no glare falling on the screen or use an anti-glare screen, as glare causes eyestrain. If your child is very young, consider getting a child-sized keyboard and mouse or switching to a trackball, as little hands often have trouble using these adult-sized components.

Necessary Stuff

Once you’ve got the space and furniture covered, stock up on basic supplies. For younger children, also include arts and crafts materials. For older children, including a dictionary, thesaurus, and an atlas. Use colourful jars to hold supplies, or for a portable option, use plastic stackable cubes or even a sturdy shoebox.

For children working at a common area such as the kitchen table, bringing out the “homework supplies” is also a great way to indicate that “working” time has begun. The other essential item for all ages is a wall calendar where your child can record dates and other important information.

By setting up your child with a workspace that works for him or her, the homeschooling process will be a smoother one for everyone.

At Connections in Mind we believe, and research*** has proven, that children who plan and organise their work, build in short and long term goals and reflect on their processes are more likely to succeed. Not only in their education but throughout their lives. If you would like to know more about executive function coaching and how it can help your children or you, as parents then book a free discovery call with our Client Services Manager today.


*The home learning environment and achievement during childhood (Dearing & Tang); In Handbook of school-family partnerships (Sandra, Christenson & Reschly, 2010). “Strong correlations between having learning materials in the home and nearly all areas of achievement” and “children’s access to literacy materials is an excellent predictor of literacy achievement”. 

**Does noise affect learning? A short review on noise effects on cognitive performance in children. (Klatte, Bergstrom & Lachmann, 2013), “enduring exposure to environmental noise may affect children’s cognitive development”. 

***Executive function and early childhood education (Blair, 2016), “…important contributor to school readiness and school success”.